Ronnie Mund — The Last Real (Neanderthal) Man left on The Stern Show
I’ve been a regular listener to the Howard Stern Show @sternshow for the last 20 years. Like Natalie Maines and Sarah Silverman sang at Howard’s mega-Birthday Show this past January, he’s “my rock.” I love the guy and always will….but, something’s happened to him. He’s slowly evolved into a very different man from the one called ‘FartMan’. The one who proudly displayed his cellulite riden buttocks during one of those ridiculous MTV circus award shows. And while his gradual evolution may have made him a better man, lover, father, son and husband, I sincerely miss the strip clubbing, Sybian pushing, tickle chair pimping, Lesbian loving, King of All Media.
As Piers Morgan perceptively asked Howard in a 2011 interview on his CNN show, “Are you a domesticated little pussycat?”
With the news of Howard attending an exclusive, swanky dinner party at Martha Stewart’s grand Hampton’s estate last weekend on Lily Pond Lane, alongside the likes of Katie Couric, ScarJo and Sarah Jessica Parker, I’d say the answer to Mr. Morgan’s question is now an emphatic, YES! Just look at this “mature” picture from the night.
This is not your father’s Howard. Did we get any dirty details from said private extravaganza? Hell No! Turns out this Howard is a gentle man and a gentleman now. This is America’s Got Talent Howard. This is the Howard who recently purchased a mega-Palm Beach mansion of his own to go with his other mega-mansion in the Hamptons. This is the Howard who swore on the air he’d never marry again, until he did. This is the Howard who plays chess and paints. This is the Howard who photographs his model wife, Beth, frolicking in the winter white snow or cuddling up to bulldogs and cute kittens. This is Howard Stern, the domesticated little pussycat.
Which brings me to the lone surviving alpha male left in the Stern Show universe — Ronnie Mund. Many years ago, Mr. Mund entered Howard’s world as his limo-driver and personal security man. He’s now head of the entire Stern Show security team. But there’s a helluva’ lot more to Ronnie than a 5'7", mustache-touting, sharp-dressed, angry little Jew.
Ronnie is Scores Man. Ronnie is Ricky Man. Ronnie is a romantic poet. Ronnie is a lover of life, women, NASCAR and Monopoly. Ronnie yells and screams, “Let’s fuck some whores!” Ronnie’s twitter handle is @rmlimodriver69. Ronnie tweets out hot girls of the week. Ronnie says, “Fuck you! Cocksucker! Dick! and Topless!” like they were meant to be said - with conviction, authority and purpose. If Ronnie asks, “Dude, what’s your problem?!” chances are you have a problem. Ronnie records sultry sex tips for the show that Howard thinks are creepy as hell. I think they’re insightfully hilarious.
Ronnie is a man’s man.
Ronnie’s become such a star amongst the Stern Show faithful, he started The Ronnie Mund Block Party, a raucous comedy tour featuring fellow Stern Show personalities and comics. It sold out all over the country. Ronnie acts too. He’s guested on TV’s Cougar Town, and today, makes his feature film debut alongside Michael Rappaport in My Man’s a Loser. Spoiler alert — Ronnie Mund is not a loser. Ronnie dates a beautiful woman more than half his age. Ronnie does not live in the Hamptons, or Manhattan. Ronnie lives in Queens and throws BBQ’s.
The pinnacle moment of Ronnie’s assault on domestication may have taken place this week on the show. Under hypnosis, he recounted an epic, torrid, Monopoly driven Menage-a-trois. Howard couldn’t decide if he wanted to laugh or throw-up. Ronnie believed his fantasy story was really happening. We all knew it was not; but then again, knowing Ronnie, we know it could actually transpire. Ronnie isn’t the life of the party, he is the party!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GmnMiOt07s
Ronnie turns a youthful, verile 65 in October. Let’s hope he doesn’t decide to suddenly retire from his undomesticated, unfiltered, glorious Neanderthal manhood. Woah Woah Woah, please don’t stop the clock Ronnie!
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Steve Matoren @imaliveoutthere is a writer/producer/director living in Los Angeles. He’d much rather be at a Bruce Springsteen concert.
